My Breast Cancer Journal
June 11 - 16

Sunday, June 11, 2000

I have to tell you the funniest thing. Quite a lot of my nubbies have fallen out now, but there is a conspicuous difference in the remaining nubbies. Before they started falling, more of my hair was dark auburn than white. Now there are many more white hairs left on my head than the auburn. Now isn't that just a hoot? I have been asking my stylist for years to selectively remove those white hairs, and I think they are holding a grudge! The hair seems to fall out more in the shower and immediately after than the rest of the day. I think it is the hot water. It takes a few minutes before they start falling, but once they start, it's quite amazing how many come off. It honestly looks like I've shed my full head of hair at least 3 times, but I still have nubbies left standing. I apparently had quite a lot of hair.

After church this morning we went to Target and picked up a couple of nice looking hats to augment my caps. Just in case I go someplace I'd like to look a little dressy. Then we came home and collapsed. We watched some really fun movies this weekend - My Favorite Martian (loved the Ray Walston character and the Incredible Hulk T-shirt paying tribute to Bill Bixby), Inspector Gadget (loved the Don Adams cameo as Brain's voice at the end), Men in Black (very funny), and A Midsummer Night's Dream (most excellent!). Last weekend's movies weren't so successful. We watched Dave (we had already seen it) and 3 that I won't mention. So Rick was really under pressure this weekend to do better :-) and he delivered. What a guy!
posted by Karen Weber Sunday, June 11, 2000

Tuesday, June 13, 2000

Well, yesterday a whole bunch more of the nubbies washed off, but this morning almost nothing came off in the shower or during the day. So I figured that most of what was falling was out and the rest, as scraggly as it looked, was staying. Tonight I asked Rick again to take his Norelco to my head so that I would be fully bald. He finally agreed to do it. And now, I am bald! It feels better, I can put lotion on my head now, and, of course, it's totally stylin'. I'm researching henna tatoos. I think that would be cool. It seems they last about 2 weeks looking good before they start to fade out. I'll have to see who does that here in Gilbert and what they charge for it. I think it would be a fun thing to do.
posted by Karen Weber Tuesday, June 13, 2000

Wednesday, June 14, 2000

I have been avoiding the topic of meditation/prayer, etc., because I didn't want to turn anyone off with preachiness. But I got a specific request to address what I am doing in this area. Before I say anything, please understand that everyone who undertakes this kind of program needs to tailor it specifically for their own needs. What I'm doing will work for me, but it might not make any sense to you. For instance, a lot of cancer patients use visualizations that involve killing the cancer cells through some kind of violence. That won't work for me, but it works great for others. Everyone has to find their own way. So this is what I'm doing, just as an example of how a program can be structured. I call my program JOY THERAPY. The focus is all positive. Here are the components:

Daily reading of inspirational literature. I am currently reading Bernie Siegel's book, How to Live Between Office Visits. It is specifically about how to be an exceptional patient. If you have cancer, or any other terminal or even chronic illness, do yourself a favor and read everything Bernie has ever written. He really encourages the power of the individual. Here's a short quote that struck me in my reading today: "If you put together the words "Crazy, Unique, Refreshing, and Exceptional," they spell CURE."

Music. I'm a singer. I have to have this. I'm using worship and praise songs from church and CDs that I own. My current favorite is "My Deliverer" by Rich Mullins and the Ragamuffin Band. I sing whenever I am up doing something routine like taking dishes out of the dishwasher and putting them away. I used to see this as wasted time. Now I see it as an opportunity to be blessed through worship. Sooner or later, I'm going to drag out my guitars. It's been so long since I played them that the strings are probably dead, but I'll still be able to make a joyful noise.

Praying the scriptures. I am currently meditating on and praying 3 scriptures. I will list them here in case you would like to agree with me in prayer about these: 1 Peter 2:24, Isaiah 40:31, and 2 Corinthians 4:16-17.

Bible study. I am currently using a book called Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow to guide my Bible study. This is not specifically about coping with disease, but I am learning a great deal from the book. It took me about a month to work through the first week's study. If you go to the Inspire section, and look at the page on contentment, you'll see a few quotes from the book and a prayer I wrote after finishing the study.

Visualization. I've tried a number of different visualizations involving light, cells melted by love, etc. but these are not clicking for me. I am currently working with the Bible story of the woman who was healed by touching the hem of Jesus' robe to develop something that I can relate to. It also reminds me of the suggestion that Julia Cameron or Sarah Ban Breathnach (or maybe both of them) give about visualizing yourself plugging into a spiritual power source. I think I can come up with something I can relate to using these ideas.

Laughter. Rick is keeping me laughing with his movie selections, and I am taking more time to read jokes and look at funny sites on the Net. I have long been a fan of the morning funnies in the newspaper, as well. The cats are always good for a laugh. Instead of just giggling briefly, I am allowing the giggles to develop into all-out laugh attacks. It feels mighty good, although I think the cats suspect I'm losing my mind.

Affirmations. I am using short affirmative statements, including things like "I am healthy." "My immune system is strong." "Every cell in my body loves me." If you have some good ones, send them along!

Gratitude. I am practicing mindful appreciation for the blessings of every day life. I write down at least 10 things a day that I am grateful for. There is a small white cat who makes of habit of getting herself on that list every day, too. I'm very grateful for her!

Just as important as what I'm doing is what I'm not doing: I'm not watching the news, I'm not reading downer stories in the newspaper. I'm making an effort to decrease what I feel guilty about not doing. I have decided that I cannot save the world, so I'm not going to try. I am going to be selfish this year and concentrate just on me.

And that is the plan. If you see something I'm missing, let me know. Bernie is trying to talk me into art therapy. I may take him up on it!

Bad news about herbs used to fight hot flashes: Herbs used for menopause act like estrogen. Just in case this article disappears, here are the herbs they studied and found to work like estrogen in the body: dong quai, vitex, Chinese ginseng, American ginseng, black cohash, red raspberry leaf, blue cohash, licorice root, squaw vine, milk thistle seed, hops, and wild yam root. If you have a cancer that is estrogen receptor positive, stay away from these herbs!

Good news about a drug for other conditions helping hot flashes: Hot flashes relieved by epilepsy drug

Good news for the 20% of women with breast cancer who are her2/neu positive like I am: Research raises hope for breast cancer vaccine
posted by Karen Weber Wednesday, June 14, 2000

Friday, June 16, 2000

Good news for women considering breast conservation surgery: Radiation for breast cancer not associated with greater risk of second malignancy.posted by Karen Weber Friday, June 16, 2000

A good reason to lose fat: Android fat distribution increases risk of breast cancer death
posted by Karen Weber Friday, June 16, 2000

Next - June 18